Vip bus vs Slowboat

Vip bus to luang probrang…
I wish a had a snappy acronym it, but basically VIP means night bus that is air conditioned enough to hang meat and Karaoke’d enough to bleed from the ears all night. So sleeping is pretty much out of the question, but it gives you what Lao high-life is all about. We were fortunate to soak up an extra 6 hours of full volume androgynous lao music while a huge chunk of the mountain was being pulled off the road.
We show up in Luang Probang dragging some serious ass, but fortunately we find a tuktuk to pour into that takes us straight to the doorstep of a guesthouse. It always feels like being an orphan dropped off on stranger’s doorstep, and I know we look the part. Jordan is still all kinds of sick, so most of my day was spent taking trips to the saddest pharmacy ever and the local pancake nook with Jordan totally cheating on me with The Shawshank Redemption in our room. (I’m still a little wounded, that movie NEVER comes on in Laos.)
After a couple days of the same, cheap food, antibiotics and HBO, we book our two day slowboat up to Huay Xai. Although the trip is gorgeous the title isn’t kidding about the slow part, it took us 10 hours to get up to the next town. I mean come on, it’s like an inch away on the map. It turned out to be just a lot of getting rained on through the 3 foot wide cloth flap that is supplied for your barrier from the elements and 10 later we’re in Pakbeng. The next day god decided to supply us with Jay and Sam, two canooks that have enough Bacon/zombie movie/ New Findland/ Thai prostitute stories to keep us thoroughly entertained. Jordan and I fully abscond with them as friends, forcefully made them Drink Laolao(rice whiskey) with us and exchange silly stories ‘til the wee morning hours(like 10:00).

After this we just kind of mill around Huay Xai until Our big Gibbon Experience day comes about.

The Land of Smiles

Here is Laos everything is different. Traveling here makes me feel like someone cannot possibly be complete without traveling, especially to this part of the world. The people here have a philosophy that is so different than that which is witheld within America citizens. I will not bore you with details yet I am starting to see why people get depressed when having to go home, although believe me we are excited as well. Thinking about the next trip is becoming a consuming thought though.

Laos is vibrant in basically every way imaginable. The peoples smiles, their generous and always happy attitudes and the colors of the temples and the rainforest surrounding us. There are new types of flowers and plants everywhere, and on a more negative note bugs. We have had plenty of run ins with the massive insect and spider population here in Asia. Our first couple days we stayed in an Eco Lodge out in the rainforest right on the Pha Nam Tha River. We were the only guests at the lodge since it is the slow season here in Lao so we got a personal bungalow for no money at all right on the river. It randonly downpours throughout the day but it never gets cool andit is humid but not unbearably so. I couldn't imagine visiting during the hot season, during the tourism peak, because boy oh boy that would be miserable. The locals working at the lodge and within the surrounding villages are all shy, and supposedly view foreigners as "superior", but they are extremely curious and always look while you walk by, smile and then say hello. Some will approach you and smile and touch you like you are the most gorgeous thing you have ever seen and they have been waiting all their lives to meet you, where as others will just approach you in hopes to better their English and ask you a series of questions.
There are lots of children running around, all are adorable with the msot creative hair cuts, and every morning we woul wake up and go to the floating restaurant that would have a bunch of local children running around and fishing on it. We were so smitten with the people we were with we never wanted to leave, it was complete paradise for us. There are butterflies the size of birds floating around everywhere; however, the downfall is that there are also bird sized spiders that you have to try to avoid walking into. Thankfully there are no poisonous spiders in Lao but that does not make them any less creepy.
The man who runs the lodge is british and a couple other workers speak english so it is great to get to communicate with the locals. Every day I would go to the floating restaurant and sit in and help with the english lesson that our british friend would be teaching. Along with helping them learn english they would help me learn lao and they slowly got less and less shy around Jef and I that they started joking, eating and playing games with us on the regular.
The first day there we were reading the menu and it said that every once in a while they have snake that they serve. Instantly Jef and I were completely interested and couldn't wait to try it. While we were sitting at the restaurant I saw a river snake start booking it across the river. I turn to Jef and say (in a rather unexcited manner) "Oh look a snake" and at the mention of the word snake everyone perks up like dogs hearing a squirrel and literally hop onto their feet asking, "Snake? Snake?" A young 17 year old boy named Dalat jumps into a flimsy little canoe that is hardly staying together and starts to paddle (against the fast current) towards the direction of a snake that was way out of sight. I thought for sure it was on the other side by now but we sit and watch him patiently. He is on the other side of the river observing the bank slowly, standing/balancing on the front tip of the canoe until all of a sudden he swings his paddle and smacks the water! Before we new it he was paddling back over with a snake in his hand, and his dad was beaming. We watched his dad, named Boon, prepare our dinner for that night. And it did taste like chicken :)
We fished for a day, which cracked me up because Jef behaved exactly how I did when I started fishing as a child, impatient and anxious and always getting the hook stuck. He ended up just helping them with the fishing net used to catch small fish, which we caught hundreds of. The locals are always laughing with you and sharing with you and trying to bring up new and cool bugs to show us and then stick in our hands. When you're walking and you hear a crack you know to run because fruit is about to fall from above, and it is covering the ground. We can just pick it up and crack it open and enjoy! For the first couple nights we fell asleep to the sound of rain, falling fruit and the geckos which cover every guest house in Lao. They make that unmistakable gecko call that sounds like "Gecko, Gecko, Gecko".
We went to the local Hmong village. They are the tribe that helped America during the Vietnam war by giving us a pathway through their country and aid to our troups. After the war some of them were offered sanctuary in our country (mostly in California) however not all were helped. So they were treated as  terrorist race herein Lao and were forced to live in the mountains to starve. They have survived though and are recognized as equals now by the rest of Lao. They believe that their ancestors were wherewolves who flew down on magic carpets to Lao, where they avoid the major communities. We rode bikes to their local markets and bought TONS of weird fruit to share with those at our lodge and just soaked up the scenery of families working in fields of rice patties with the raisforest mountains in the distance.

Bangkok, it’s like getting beaten to death with a bag full of cuddly puppies.

I honestly don’t know what needs to be highlighted within this 8 hours of the absolute friendliest pandemonium known to man. The second we arrive we realize we don’t know what time and but we’re pretty sure our plane leaves in like 8 minutes. We got off the plane to find a squad of very smiley Asian people holding a sign with our names on it. At this point we’re convinced that our hostel in Vietnam has misunderstood our directions and has driven to Bangkok to pick us up. I know this sounds like a ridiculous conclusion to come to but I promise for most third worlds it’s not far fetched idea. So we’re trying to explain that we didn’t need a ride from Thailand while they start walking us all over the airport. Everywhere, up and down escalators to the complete opposite side terminal and through security we have truly no clue but at this point we’ve some what figured out that their not from our hostel. Apparently the airport appointed this special task force for the purpose of making sure we figured out where our connecting flight was. We’re then delivered to a counter where a very sweet lady explains the complete wrong time for us to check in but it’s totally cool in that we understand that if we have a flight that leaves at 1pm we don’t check in 11 hours later at midnight. No big deal. We take a nap in our terminal and come back to find another posse of Thai airport staff assembled to find us and make sure we knew what time we leave.
While checking in with our new friendly airline representative (let me remind that every person you talk with in this country is beyond frantically helpful especially in matters that are not their jurisdiction) he very politely explains that you cannot enter Vietnam without a letter of approval. The letter, of course, has to be received 24 hours before arrival and the next flight will be 4 days out. At this point in our summer Jordan and I have become surprisingly good at the art of not caring at all what happens. We just shrug it off, “Well… the hell with it I guess we’re going to Laos, and by the way how do we get there?” At this time we are appointed a new conglomeration of staff lead by the very small, active and unintelligible worker of god knows what department; who starts leading us in figure eights all over the 3rd and 4th floor while talking into 2 phones and a radio. The whole time we’re trying to intervene and make sure he knows that we’re just trying to take the train. Every time we say train it’s always “Oh yes, yes, yes”. He then comes back with receipts for Lao airlines and tells he spent the $400 out of pocket for the tickets (THAT WE DIDN’T WANT!) and to just pay him back for them. By the way $400 is basically a full months pay in Thailand. We accept because what in the hell else are you supposed to do in this circumstance. So we take the tickets and tip him so he can feed himself the next time his friendly functional retardation gets him into trouble; he's off in a flash and from that whole encounter we still don't know what his name is, or if he really even works at the airport. After his disappearing trick we sit down and realize our names are completely wrong, and we have absolutely no freaking clue where he bought the tickets let alone where he is. All we know is that even shadiest of airlines would not let me on the plane as first name Jacson Last name Jeggrey.
Due to the same rabid friendliness that everyone so far has shown us we get the most amazing girl at a general information desk to taking it upon herself to get our tickets squared away. This poor girl ended up spending the next 45 minutes on the phone back and fourth with us and the operator (who doesn't understand what the problem is) and manages to get this phantom company to correct and fax over the tickets. Facebook buddies!
We board our flight at around 6 to arrive in Monsooning Vientiane, meet our escort that we threw together at the last minute, and start the hour long trip to god knows where in rural Laos.

other armenia things...

So we did a few other touristy things while in Armenia. We were really enjoying our new hostel and were having some conversations about God with a few new people which went well I suppose. We went to a monastery called Khor Vrap that was built where a kingdom used to once be. Under one of the monastaries was a prison where a man named Grigor was kept for 13 years. The story behind this man went as follows..

Once upon a time there was a King and a kings advisor. One day the kings advisor kills the King of Armenia and the advisors two sons went into hiding. One of the sons was a boy named Grigor ho converted to Chrisianity later in his life. He then befriended the old kings son (so the new king of Armenia) and became part of his council all the while keeping his faith a secret. One day the King ordered Grigor to bow and place a wreath at the feet of one his pagan god idols. Once Grigor refused and revealed his faith, the King realized he was the son of the man who killed his father and had him thrown into prison to die. However, someone within the noble family was sneaking food to Grigor who sat down in his tiny little whole deep under the earth. The King then got very sick/cursed becoming insane in the mine and grew pigs ears until one night his sister came to him telling him of a dream she had. In her dream she had to let Grigor, who was still alive, go free and listen to what he says. So he lets Grigor go and Grigor tells him that in order to be cured he had to denounce his Pagan faith and become Christian. So the King oes so and was cured and then declared Armenia the first ever Christian Nation. The End.

So we went to the old monastery and then went down into the whole that Grigor was kept. It was just a ladder down through a whole to a circular stone room with one tiny little air/light whole. How this man kept sane and remained faithful while in this whole we have no clue. Then Jef and I got laughed at by a bunch of locals (which is not rare). Some of which followed Jef around and giggled for a while, then we took our leave and met a weird Russian universalist/budhist of some srt who decided to lecture us on how all religions are the same…it was strange.
We also went to the equal of the Vatican within Armenia called Ejmiastin (I butchered the name) and we went to the local relics museum where all the old pope like dudes outfits and staffs and chalices and incense things were kept, and the spear point that pierced Jesus’s side. I asked a couple questions about how they would have gotten ahold of this spear tip since there are 4 recorded throughout the world. Apparently this is the only spear tip that dates back to the year of Jesus’s death and when the Roman soldiers blind eye got healed by the drop of blood from Jesus’s body he realized the Jesus was indeed God and gave it to Bartholomew. However, they do not really know how it came into the hands of the ancient Armenian church so I’m definitely still skeptical and doubt it is accurate.

We went to a pretty nice fountain light show in he downtown court yard and then went to a place that looked amazing from the outside and all the locals were telling us to go to. It was some pizza bistro thing and I wanted the super cool looking salad bar full of unique treats. Once we get inside we order ONE salad bar and a pizza. The waitress asks if we want 2 plates for the salad bar so we can share so we are like SHWEET yes! But once we get to the salad bar it was soooo nasty. You didn't know what you could eat from because everyone left their half empty plates up there. Everything was cold and stale and or smothered in ketchup (LUKE: you may have liked it). So we pushed that away dissapointed and waited for our pizza which was again a little ketchup, barely any cheese and shredded chicken. It was very awful, and it was the most expensive meal we had and the waitress charged us for 3 things we didn't want and we had to pay for it because she would just shrug when we tried to explain and say sorry. So we left totally pissed and to throw a little of God's grace in there we left all of our money on the table there that night because we were so flustered. Oh-well.

I was pretty done with Armenia and ready to leave, it is nice, but overall I don't think we were to impressed. If you leave Yerevan though than it's wonderful, always escape the citiesif you want a real taste of a place.